Psalm 73:21-28

Psalm 73:21-28 21
Thus my heart was grieved, And I was vexed in my mind. 22 I was so foolish and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. 23 Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand. 24 You will guide me with Your counsel, And afterward receive me to glory. 25 Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. 26 My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 27 For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish; You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry. 28 But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, That I may declare all Your Works.

Verse 26 has been a verse that has become sort of a rallying cry for Jenny and me through this trial. I had heard or read the verse before, but it became much more rich with meaning in the past few months. Take the time to read the entire chapter for an even better context.

For Christmas this past year Jenny bought me a copy of Matthew Henry's Bible commentary. Excellent gift. I found his comments on these verses to be especially enlightening and encouraging. I'll share the comments on vs 26 below, feel free to look up the rest of the comments on this chapter too, they are excellent!

v. 26. Observe here, [1.] Great distress and trouble supposed: My flesh and my heart fail. Note, Others have experienced and we must expect, the failing both of flesh and heart. The body will fail by sickness, age, and death; and that which touches the bone and the flesh touches us in a tender part, that part of ourselves which we have been but too fond of; when the flesh fails the heart is ready to fail too; the conduct, courage, and comfort fail. [2.] Sovereign relief provided in this distress: But God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever. Note, Gracious souls, in their greatest distresses, rest upon God as their spiritual strength and their eternal portion. First, "He is the strength of my heart, the rock of my heart, a firm foundation, which will bear my weight and not sink under it. God is the strength of my heart; I have found him so; I do so still, and hope ever to find him so.’’ In the distress supposed, he had put the case of a double failure, both flesh and heart fail; but, in the relief, he fastens on a single support: he leaves out the flesh and the consideration of that, it is enough that God is the strength of his heart. He speaks as one careless of the body (let that fail, there is no remedy), but as one concerned about the soul, to be strengthened in the inner man. Secondly, "He is my portion for ever; he will not only support me while I am here, but make me happy when I go hence.’’ The saints choose God for their portion, they have him for their portion, and it is their happiness that he will be their portion, a portion that will last as long as the immortal soul lasts.V. He was fully convinced of the miserable condition of all wicked people. This he learned in the sanctuary upon this occasion, and he would never forget it .

I could never pretend that this is easy or that I've done or obeyed it well, especially in some of my thoughts. The prospect of dying young (or dying old I suppose) is certainly scary and the most obvious "elephant in the room" when one is diagnosed with any type of cancer. One secondary thing God has challenged me with in my life through having cancer twice as a young person has been having my "flesh" or physical strength and health fail. One would think that as a Christian I would simply be overflowing with gratitude to God for his mercy in healing me from boyhood cancer. However, too often I have dwelled on some physical limitations that resulted from my being healed. I remember and must confess that while growing up I would often in self-consciousness try to conceal and hide any physical differences that made me different than my peers. I look back now and think of all the missed opportunities I likely squandered by being too often ashamed of being different. Afterall, I was good at "fitting in" and trying not to be noticed as having differences. Unfortunately, there have been quite a few friends and acquaintences from High School and College that probably never knew I had cancer and all that God did in my life by healing me both physically and spiritually.

I still struggle with being physically "beaten down" by cancer, surgery, and treatments, especially as a young man who feels like he "should" be strong and full of vigor. Jenny and I have talked about how God seems to be teaching me, twice now! (I'm a little slow apparently), to not put any trust whatsoever in my own strength, but to rest 100% in Him. This is just one lesson I am learning. One verse my father often has quoted is Proverbs 16:18-"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." Even though I never thought of myself as particularly proud, I think this verse truly applies. There can be no pride in one's self as a Christian. That includes quiet, inward pride that perhaps no one notices but God.

The other lesson I've been reminded of is how God is sovereign in my life and does everything for a good purpose. God has literally and physically marked my body with scars. These are nothing to be self-conscious about, actually these are constant reminders to me everyday when I look in the mirror of the grace and mercy God has shown me. They also provide opportunities to share with others what God has done in my life and to witness the truth and power of the Gospel to them. People always stare and some ask (especially kids!) when I'm at the pool or the beach, and ironically one of my favorite things to do on this earth is be in the water.

One of my prayers over the last few years has been that I will be emboldened to share the gospel message with others, no matter what the circumstances or earthly consequences. One of Jenny and my prayers since my latest cancer diagnosis has been that we will, by the Holy Spirit's power, be used as a powerful witness to others throughout this time of trial. Whether the witness be to an unbeliever or an encouragement to a brother or sister in Christ. God promises that his word will not return void, and through the means of prayer and his adopted children's witness, he will reach many who are lost. Cancer and various other trials can be a gift and special opportunity for a Christian, it is important to always keep that in mind. The world is watching.